Adoption Myths

Fact: A mother who unselfishly creates an adoption plan for her child is placing her child's best interest above her own. It is an ultimate sacrifice for a mother to choose life for her child and realize what is best for her child. Adoption is a caring and responsible process that is as natural and loving as parenting.

Myth: My child will hate me.

Fact: You design your own unique adoption plan, allowing you to share as little or as much information as you desire about yourself and your decision. You gave your child the gift of life, and put your child's needs first. This will be explained to your child as he or she gets older. "My biological mother was in high school when she was pregnant with me. I'm sure she felt she was not capable of providing me with everything she wanted me to have and decided that adoption would be the best choice for the both of us... My (adoptive) parents are the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I could not imagine my life any other way. I am constantly reminded of the wonderful, selfless choice my birthparents made by choosing adoption for me. I have had an abundant life full of many opportunities that I may not have otherwise been able to enjoy, including world travel, education, activities and religion. I was raised in a very loving home, and I continue to be extremely close to my parents today. I have never felt any void in my life or felt differently in any way because of being adopted." Jackie, adopted child, age 24

Myth: Adoption is an irresponsible solution to an unplanned pregnancy.

Fact: Adoption requires a strong and responsible person. Do not feel guilty for considering adoption or think of parenting as a deserved punishment for your unplanned pregnancy. Making the choice for your child to be raised in an environment that can provide the things you are not able to at this time is very brave and responsible.

Myth: Adopted children grow up with more problems than children who are not adopted.

Fact: Adopted children do as well as or better than their non-adopted counterparts. A 1994 study by the Search Institute examining adopted adolescents concluded some of the following facts: Adopted children score higher than their middle-class peers on indicators of school performance and social competence. Adopted adolescents generally are less depressed than children of single parents and are less involved in alcohol abuse, vandalism, fighting, police trouble, use of weapons, and theft. On health measures, adopted children score higher than children raised by single parents. Compared with the general child population, children placed with adoptive couples are better off economically and adoptive parents are less likely to divorce. (Taken from Adoption: The Best Option by Patrick Fagan)

Myth: Nobody can love a child as much as a biological parent.

Fact: While it is true that a biological parent holds tremendous love for their child, it is not a matter of biology. It is not inherited. An adopted couple's love for your child is the result of a lot of effort and desire to be a parent. Adoptive parents have a true love and devotion to the child they adopt because they realize what a blessing it is to have a child in their lives. "Our children can learn that...the concept of 'family' does not rest solely on biology. They can learn that love transcends many artificial boundaries frequently put into place by humans. They can learn that closing one door can open another door and another and another"...Caroline Harding, adoptive mother (Adoption-Is Another Word for Love, 2000).

Myth: I will have to say good bye and will never hear from my child again or know how they are doing.

Fact: This has been true in the past when all adoptions were closed and the child was taken from the birth mother and she had to live the rest of her life never knowing what became of her child. Today, you can create your own adoption plan which can make it possible for you to select your child's adoptive parents and meet them. You can choose to stay in touch while your child is growing up by receiving pictures and letters which can ensure that you made the right decision for your child. Open adoptions even allow you to stay in touch with phone calls and possibly even occasional visits.

Myth: Having a baby is a way to receive unconditional love. My baby will love me regardless of what I do and won't judge me. It will add meaning and purpose to my life.

Fact: Although this statement about having a child can be true, and parenting can be very satisfying, a baby will not be able to show it's love and support to you for some time. Babies are completely helpless and require their parents to do everything for them to ensure their survival. Parenting is a job that is 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for the next 18 years of your life or longer. It is a commitment that you will need to be prepared for.

Myth: Parenting will be fun. I will get to play with my child and dress him or her up in cute clothes.

Fact: Babies are very cute and it can be fun to dress them up, but when it is your own child, it is not always fun. You must consider the time and energy that you will need to give in order to meet the needs of your child. Your freedom and moments of privacy can be reduced to almost nothing after you give birth to your child and for many years thereafter. Your child will go with you every where you go. They will awake in the middle of the night to be fed, changed or just because they are awake. If they get a cold, there will be more doctor bills, time missed from work, and a loss of much needed wages. This can be very challenging to any new mother. As your child grows, they will need you in different ways to tend, nurture and teach them. It will take a lot of patience and maturity to raise your child. It becomes a reality that this little child in front of you is someone whose future and welfare you are responsible for.

Myth: Adoption agencies and adoptive couples don't care about me.  They just want to exploit my circumstances and steal my baby.  They get what they want but leave me empty handed.

Fact: We want what is best for you and your baby.  We strongly encourage parenting your child and will help in any way that we can to ensure that you are well prepared for this responsibility.